Oh Cum On!

July 2007: The storm over a vibrating condom.

Have you seen this Crezendo thing? It’s the condom that comes with a vibrating ring attached, aka the ‘vibrating condom’ that seems to have shaken up a little storm. Like everyone in the country who reads the newspapers, I’ve followed this little contraption’s course from mere contraception to infamy; observed the MP government sway over its sale in the state; sniggered about the collective gasps of horror at the realisation that it is being marketed by a government agency; watched the agency, Hindustan Latex Ltd (HLL) go red in the face denying its use for ‘self pleasure’; and applauded Union Health Minister Ramadoss’s stand in the vibrating condom’s support.

Perhaps no dialogue in India about sex, sexuality and related paraphernalia can be conducted without the mention of the Kama Sutra and Khajuraho. So, predictably, after the controversy hit, there were the usual articles about the Kama Sutra’s take on sex toys—how they are both mentioned and advocated; what materials it is recommended they be made from; what shapes are best; and how they should be used. But I say, forget all that. Stop harping back to ancient Indian culture. There is no point explaining to the Sangh Parivar (the generator of this vibrating condom controversy) that the Indian culture they defend evolved as a way to protect our women against invaders and is also a hand-me-down from Victorian morality. Forget the origins of our prudery. It is now a part—and perhaps the definition—of our culture today. What I ask is this: in principle, why do we have a problem with sex and sexual pleasure?

I use the words ‘in principle’ because it’s not like no one’s having sex or masturbating. Sex is the cheapest—and arguably best—form of pleasure. Ask our masses. Ask our billion-strong population how it came into being.

As I see it, there are only a few ways to prevent our billion strong from becoming two billion strong—abstinence, a neutered population or widespread use of effective contraception. And as the first two are, well, absurd, the only way we can prevent HIV/AIDS and control the population explosion is by advocating, no, pushing, the use of the humble condom.

So, what’s the harm? This ring makes the condom—arguably not the most conducive to sexual pleasure—more fun and popular. It was launched when market surveys indicated that condom use was declining and it has generated interest and demand throughout the country. This, in spite of the fact that, at Rs 125 for three condoms and a vibrating ring, Crezendo is expensive. And while it is not—as HLL has gone ballistic reiterating—intended or marketed as a sex toy, so what if it was? People would just have more fun masturbating, wouldn’t they?

I wonder whether the Mister Minister who stirred up this whole controversy anticipated hordes of men rushing to the local pharmacies to purchase this marvellous new product, only to walk around everyday with this device attached to their you-know-whats for an all-day solo buzz. This could only lead to drops in levels of morality and self-control. What an abomination! Or maybe he was afraid that the women would discover that the vibrator works much better than the wiener and would turn off sex completely. Whatever his reasoning, it’s ridiculous that he be allowed to generate so much noise about something so innocuous.

The fortunate thing is that Mr Ramadoss sees nothing wrong with the vibrating condom. He’s clarified that the condom along with the pleasure-enhancing ring “has been developed to entice men into using it both for family planning and protection against infections like HIV." He not only plans not to ban it but to promote it countrywide as popularising condom use is one of his missions.

All this being as it is, I don’t see why the government must get involved in people’s interpersonal relationships and sex lives. I mean, aren’t there more important things to keep it gainfully occupied? And even if there aren’t, and the government must make sex lives their business, it should deal with child sex abuse, incest, rape etc. Not with a measure that’s positives are being overlooked because of its—gasp!—horrible, immoral and illegal propensity to provide pleasure! I truly hope that the vibrating condom gets the support it deserves as an innovative technique to promote the use of contraception.

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An edited version of this article appeared in Man's World in July 2007.

I Thank You This Day for My Daily Pill…

June 2007: The sexual freedom afforded by The Pill has changed the gender dynamic.

Okay, so I’m a sexual being. So shoot me. I need sex, want sex, have sex and enjoy sex. And I greatly appreciate the ability to control its outcome. We the Women, long considered The Evil behind Man’s Downfall and The Prudes no longer have reasons to be the latter. (Does the inherent irony in those two perceptions strike only me? I mean, we apparently tempted Adam and made him lose his innocence, virginity and place in Eden. And we also bear the reputation of being the impediment to sexual pleasure.)

There are so many reasons why we shouldn’t be skittish about sex and should embrace it. The first thing that comes to my shallow mind is this—It’s So Much Fun! Why would you want to abstain? For what possible reason? Really, Pleasure is Positive. One reads statistics on the positives of sex all the time—how those who’ve had sex within a week before an interview do better than those who haven’t; how sex is a great workout. It releases endorphins and makes one happier. It has the potential to prevent wars and other acts of aggression. (I’m convinced great sex is all the aggressive Americans have needed all along!) Orgasms for World Peace. (Visit globalorgasm.org. Their tag line is ‘Peace through Global Ecstasy’. They celebrated December 22nd, 2006 as Synchronised Global Orgasm day. Why? ‘To effect positive change in the energy field of the Earth through input of the largest possible surge of human energy.’) Sex is beautiful. It is Nirvana. And why shouldn’t we enjoy it? To my mind, there are no reasons not to have sex that hold any water anymore. The breakdown of patriarchy and rigid forms of religion, women’s education, lib and financial independence have all let women be freer about our sexuality than ever before. But more than anything else, the greatest liberator of our hormonal and emotional impulses has been the Oral Contraceptive Pill (aka ‘the Pill’).

It’s true—for centuries, we’ve had no choice but to be the more cautious sex. Obviously, we were looking out for ourselves—a man’s never had to deal with the considerable social, emotional and physical consequences of unwed motherhood! Remember those funny yet latently cautioning rhymes that have done the rounds for a while now—

One night of pleasure,
Nine months of pain,
Four nights in the hospital,
And a baby to name.

This next one is way more telling and explicit—

Sex is a gamble,
Love is a game.
Boys do the screwing,
Girls take the blame.

With the Pill, it’s a prevention-is-better-than-cure deal—one can just prevent an unwanted pregnancy instead of aborting it or being a single mother—both of which are also way more acceptable now than they’ve ever been. Now, we can anxiety-lessly want and have pre-marital sex and multiple partners (ever notice how the word is ‘stud’ for a man and ‘slut’ for a woman)? Being promiscuous is a dramatic lifestyle choice and is not for everyone. But the least that can happen is that sexual pleasure can become a free-for-all. Sure, women still produce the kids. But now it can be our choice—when, where, why, with whom and most importantly, if we want kids at all. We’ve gained control over our sexual and reproductive identity—our reason for being is no longer just our fertility. The Pill has given us the power of that choice since its introduction in the early 1960s—the Morning After Pill (Emergency Contraception or EC) reinforces it. For somehow, a night of wild passion, a torn condom, a I-hate-the-way-a-condom-feels moment, a quickie on the way to work, a drink-induced mistake—all tend to leave the woman with a greater stress-hangover than the man. Any woman who’s frantically scrambled to remember her date-of-last-period and done the mental maths about ovulation-fertility-cycle while her man wallows in his post-coital bliss, puffing on his cigarette or peacefully asleep, will know exactly what I’m talking about! But hey, now it’s no problem—as long as you remember to take the EC within 72 hours, you’re home free!

Expectedly, there’s been the social-patriarchal-moral-religious backlash against these women-controlled means of hormonal contraception. Sex and reproduction have never been further apart. Women, the more sexually reticent and cautious gender, no longer need to be so. It’s no wonder then that many feminists have called the Pill the ‘equaliser’: women can now enjoy sex and sexual liberation on the same scale as men have always done.

Says my 24 year-old I-don’t-want-my-name-in-your-article friend, whose unprotected encounter with her boyfriend was followed by the EC, “Baach gayi jaan! Had I got pregnant, not only would my career have died, Mama would have got me married immediately.” Such has been the impact of women-controlled contraceptives on traditional gender roles. Women no longer have to choose between a sexual-relationship-equals-motherhood and a career.

The above-mentioned friend is not the only one who’s been saved by the knowledge that EC exists. Another friend, John (who hides his identity behind his common name) met his girlfriend, who lives in a different city, for an impromptu holiday in Darjeeling. After two days of I’m-a-virgin-you’re-a-virgin passion, I got a call from this sheepish but frantic friend asking, “Listen, we’ve done it eight times in two days… without a condom. So what do we do now?”

Of course, we all know that hormonal contraception cannot be used to justify irresponsible sex and does not offer protection against STDs and HIV/AIDS. Only condoms do that. But the Pill is a fantastic option if you intend to have regular sex with a known and committed partner. It’s just a tablet to swallow for 21 days of a 28-day cycle. And the EC is great for the ‘mistakes’.

What am I advocating? Free, guilt-free sex? Yes. I’m saying that, with the way society and medicine are right now, why should you deny yourself the easiest, simplest and most satisfying form of pleasure and entertainment? The time has come to seize the day and enjoy.

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An edited version of this article appeared in Man's World in June 2007.